10:26AM - The journey moved by Faith

the smell of the steam rising from the ground after a summer rain

the pines waving their branches at the clouds on a monday morning

---waiting for the school bus.

The dew on every stem and leaf of the forbidenn lady slipper

Tumbleweed blowing across the prairie of new mexico

The feeling of accomplishment as you color your first picture

---with in the lines.

Finally seeing the rainbow with out clouds in the way

penny candy that you don't have to pay for with dimes.

Ice cream cones dripping down your chin

warm voices speaking through the wind.

Theres a frame of mind that I visit once in a while

The end of the road made up for the miles

that I have crawled, and muddled my way through

anger dead

hate's access denied.

I am free to roam in the night of falling stars.

Current mood: creative

Current music: nothing but footsteps

4:56PM

You scored as One Intelectual Individual. You're a thinker. You see things from a very different prospective than the rest of the world, and probably find release and self-expression in music, painting, scalpting, or any other form of art. People see you as a deep person, full of knowledge that they don't understand. People are attracted to that, but there's a good chance you don't care. </td> One Intelectual Individual 100% Earth-Child 63% New Age Hippie 38% Not a Hippie 38% Original Hippie 38% Pothead 13% What type of hippie are you? created with QuizFarm.com

8:33AM - so amusing...

marlboro_reds's Halloween party:

bigmike33315 dressed as a character from "Metropolis".
caitrocksmybum dressed as a sympathetic eyelash.
cheshirelotus dressed as a character from Harry Potter and the Hound of Newark.
clint_redhot dressed as Mr. Sulu from "Star Trek".
deadheadkid88 dressed as a welcome skeleton.
delara dressed as Nicole Kidman.
deluded_bliss dressed as a zombie.
dreadfetisj didn't dress up, spoilsport.
eclipz19 dressed as a disturbing self-made character called "Skipper Pizzabutt".
emperormajora dressed as a assistant sheet spreader.
galacticphoenix dressed as a porcelain effort.
gapboy_32 dressed as a sea skeleton.
gpv dressed as a delivery.
graciediva dressed as the Governor of Maine.
greekphilosophy dressed as a bottle of Certfluuline.
hellshouseplant dressed as Will Smith riding a cow.
highersoul dressed as Herbert Hoover.
hypnogogic dressed as Mary-Kate Olsen with her very own conjoined Ashley.
iamthemole dressed as the King of Solomon Islands.
illtonic dressed as Mary-Kate Olsen with her very own conjoined Ashley.
itslanecampbell dressed as a cigarette, though it looked more like John F. Kennedy.
joycompany dressed as Optimus Prime.
julesrbf dressed as the Lord of Avanphex.
labot_amy dressed as a skunk.
laverick dressed as a intrusion.
lipstickletters dressed as Karl Rove.
lucyalyce dressed as Tipper Gore.
mihi dressed as Trent Reznor.
misssasha dressed as a character from "Double Indemnity".
msnakki dressed as a Ikon Office Solutions employee.
mydnightlonging dressed as a Level 10 wizard.
nicoledb dressed as a chicken.
nightingaleecho dressed as Jennifer Lopez.
nostalgic_kiss dressed as a third baseman for the A's.
playing_doctor dressed as the love child of Dan Quayle and Janet Reno.
postitnotepunk dressed as Kelly Hu's father.
princessred gets drunk, strips naked, and somehow emerges dressed as a vampire.
redhotcheka dressed as a third baseman for the Twins.
revrosso dressed as Ozzy Osbourne.
seriocomicgal dressed as a goblin.
shadowboxx dressed as the spirit of their dead grandmother Becky, and it suited them disturbingly well.
starrgazer4now dressed as the equator.
stevestloo dressed as Claudia Schiffer.
suesniffsglue dressed as Optimus Prime, though it looked more like a interrim bastard operator from hell.
surelle dressed as your cousin.
surrealhysteria dressed as the Legal Power Ranger.
svtninja dressed as a new member of the Wu-Tang Clan, Unlucky Leader.
teensy80 dressed as Jerry Bruckheimer.
theartistshado dressed as a bear.
thehippiechick dressed as a 1990's grunge child.
theparasitickat dressed as the Duke of Oakdale.
tofu_advocate dressed as a Level 5 sorcerer.
untogetherness dressed as a fork.
up__up__up dressed as something modern, but what, specifically, you can't tell.
van_beckman dressed as a safety for the Jets.
violent_solace dressed as a disturbing self-made character called "Snotty Hamsterhead".
whiteandblack dressed as Jimmie Carter.
youarethedead dressed as a new superhero: Thunder -wave.
your_old_flame dressed as Martin Sheen.
zenjardin dressed as Squidward.

Throw your own party at the Hallomeme!
Created with phpNonsense

2:05PM

welll i'm taking jesse back to court. big shitty mess. otherwise things are going well. i'm happy. faith is relatively happy. i've almost quit smoking. work sucks but it doesn't suck too back

anyways...
i love yall
peace
~meg~

2:29PM - seeing stars

i am in shock. ya know how people say that when you fall in love you see stars? and i thought it was bullshit. but i'm seeing stars.

i dun know.

good things are fixin to happen. the new year is gonna be beautiful. like circles are being completed. things that have been meant to happen for years are finally starting to happen.

i'm so happy!
Faith is doing really good. i'll post pics soon!

well i hope yall had a great new year and all that jazz
keep in touch 389-3615

i love yall
~celestial megan~

Current mood: loved

Current music: illusions-my song

3:11PM - answer damnit!:)

if you were able to spend one 24 hour period with me, what 5 things would you want to do?

1.
2.
3.
4.
5.

Be honest, be complete, be descriptive, and I've screened comments. Let me know if you're okay with them being unscreened. (Just you and I ever have to know. Muahahahaha! :D)

Current mood: busy

Current music: what about love-cher

12:59PM

things are so good right now. Jesse is back in CT (planning on moving to MA ASAP). We had our custody hearing on the 30th. and everything went well. we are going to share custody of her. Basically neither of us will pay the other one child support. he still owes me like $700. but he is going to pay me (hopefully) $250 this week and then get the rest back to me bit by bit. We have come to this mutual understanding that we will put the past behind us and concentrate on making Faiths life the best we can from this point on. I swear to God i was so stunned by how good things turned out. I expected a big ugly mess but it all went fine.

we had a party for Faith on saturday with all my friends and family. it was awesome. she really seemed to enjoy herself and got lots of toys and clothes and stuff. i'll try to post pics as soon as i can!

Things are going good with me and my new man. i miss him so much when i have to be in Gales Ferry for the weekend. I'm trying really hard to make this be a healthy relationship. considering every relationship ihave been in has been completely fucked up. i'm trying not to be possessive and controlling. its hard b/c by nature i am a very jealous person. Hopefully this relationship will last. I get scared of loosing him but i think the only way i will loose him will be if i get all psycho like i have in past relationships. which i'll be damned if i am gonna make the same mistakes again.

anyways...i'm going to go play guitar or do something productive. not having all these burdens and worries i actually feel like i can accomplish things! i guess this is what it feels like to have a normal life. hopefully it will sustain.

Current mood: content

Current music: 106.5 radio

9:34AM

i watched everything i have turn to gold

9:19AM

LJ Interests meme results

1. california:
   oh i fucking love california. it was the most unbelievable experience for me going here
2. coincidence:
   funny how this comes up considering i'm reading the celestine prophecy right now. what an awesome book. does coincidence create our lives or do our lives create coincidences? that is the question.
3. eliminating labels:
   woohoo. the first step to freedom....
4. finally home:
   i don't think i have to even explain this one. everyone knows what a spiritual expereince being home has been for me
5. hope:
   because of him and what we have i have hope now. and because of all the random people that ihave found that have saved my life in some shape or form
6. mistakes:
   they are the hinge in the door of change
7. nature:
   fucking hippee....i love nature..yesterday i took a ride on a golf cart through ragged hill woods...after a psychedellic experience..fuck yeah
8. new mexico:
   the most beautiful place in the world
9. partying:
   FUCK YEAH...party hard yall
10. playing guitar:
    my hands

Enter your LJ user name, and 10 interests will be selected from your interest list.

Current mood: content

Current music: little green-joni

3:27PM

Things really couldn't be better. i am so fucking happy. I feel that all my efforts of self improvement are finally paying off. I've been completely blessed. completely blessed. i always thought that love was just some sort of cosmic joke that was waved in front of our faces. showing us this illusion of what we could never have. I have something solid something real. something that is solid and have no doubt will last...possibly for ever. all i see is infinity. all i see is infinity. I would get dropped off at an airport a thousand times again and again to be here. in this serenity. happiness is atainable. but first you must find it with in yourself. and then you will find someone to share it with you. i never knew love before. because i know what it is now.

Current mood: pleased

Current music: going to california-zepplin

7:48PM

well things are going great actually.
i found myself a man. hes amazing. absolutely everything i have been looking for. it kicks some serious ass. mom loves him. faith loves him. levi loves him. and basically all the rest of my friends who have met him like him and think he's perfect for me. so many signs have been pointing to this for so long and finally he's here! it rocks my socks off. and i am not afraid of getting hurt b/c i am taking my time with things but damnit...that doesn't mean that i am not totally fricken happy.

i've been studying the tarot a lot lately. and its really been giving me some spiritual guidance that i have been lacking since i realized that christianity does not coincide with the way i think or how i believe. I stil have a lot to learn but eventually i'd love to possibly be able to read cards as a side job or something. its been kind of a dream of mine for years and i'm happy i can actually have my dreams with out people trying to oppress them.

all in all things are going great. i have my custody hearing on the 30th. which i am kind of stressed about. but i know everything is gonna work out so there really isn't much too worry about.

FAith is doing great. she is almost ready to walk. she crawls around everywhere. she says momma, nana, poop, hi, levi (sometimes), bye bye, and today she blew a kiss. i'm so proud of her.


but anyways..i have to pee so i am going to post this
peace love and guns

Current mood: happy

Current music: deliliah radio in the background.

10:34AM - omg this pisses me off so bad..

this provokes so much anger in me. oh for christ sakes. i'm so glad that i have denounced christianty. how can people look at that city and not see the beauty that was there. blind ignorant worthless pieces of shit who probaly molest little boys themselves so they have to follow some confining doctrine so they won't be tempted to do it again. and then point fingers at everyone who has some freedom. bastards....ARGGGGGGGG...megan is pissed
New Orleans Residents: God's Mercy Evident in Katrina's Wake


By Jody Brown and Allie Martin
September 2, 2005

(AgapePress) - Two Christian leaders in New Orleans are testifying to God's mercy in the aftermath of Hurricane Katrina. One suggests that the death toll could have been much higher had it not been for God's mercy -- and the other that God may have used the hurricane to purge wickedness from the city.

Chuck Kelley is president of New Orleans Baptist Theological Seminary, with facilities located near the southern banks of Lake Pontchartrain and in Chalmette, east of the city. Baptist Press reports that Kelley now finds himself homeless and with only a few personal belongings following Hurricane Katrina's devastating blow to the New Orleans area. But the seminary leader says he is able to discern God's hand in the situation.

"Imagine what would have happened if [New Orleans] had taken a direct hit," he tells BP. "The levee did not break until after the storm was clear and the winds had died down and the rescue workers were able to get out." Had the levee given way during the hurricane, he says, "untold thousands of people" would have been killed.

"It's a terrible tragedy," Kelley says of the devastation in and around New Orleans, "and we still don't know the scope of it -- but the evidences of God's mercy are there. We rejoice in the fact that He has got the whole world in His hands, including the city of New Orleans and [the seminary]."

Kelley's faith, despite his personal situation, remains steadfast. He explains to Baptist Press that he is confident of God's provision. "When we get to the end of this story," he says, "the last paragraph is going to be a testimony to the greatness and glory of our God, who is able to do all things well, and able to provide every need."

Rev. Bill Shanks, pastor of New Covenant Fellowship of New Orleans, also sees God's mercy in the aftermath of Katrina -- but in a different way. Shanks says the hurricane has wiped out much of the rampant sin common to the city.

The pastor explains that for years he has warned people that unless Christians in New Orleans took a strong stand against such things as local abortion clinics, the yearly Mardi Gras celebrations, and the annual event known as "Southern Decadence" -- an annual six-day "gay pride" event scheduled to be hosted by the city this week -- God's judgment would be felt.

“New Orleans now is abortion free. New Orleans now is Mardi Gras free. New Orleans now is free of Southern Decadence and the sodomites, the witchcraft workers, false religion -- it's free of all of those things now," Shanks says. "God simply, I believe, in His mercy purged all of that stuff out of there -- and now we're going to start over again."

The New Orleans pastor is adamant. Christians, he says, need to confront sin. "It's time for us to stand up against wickedness so that God won't have to deal with that wickedness," he says.

Believers, he says, are God's "authorized representatives on the face of the Earth" and should say they "don't want unrighteous men in office," for example. In addition, he says Christians should not hesitate to voice their opinions about such things as abortion, prayer, and homosexual marriage. "We don't want a Supreme Court that is going to say it's all right to kill little boys and girls, ... it's all right to take prayer out of schools, and it's all right to legalize sodomy, opening the door for same-sex marriage and all of that.”

Shanks heeded warnings to evacuate New Orleans, and is currently staying with friends in the Jackson, Mississippi, area.

Current mood: enraged

Current music: tangerine-led zepplin

4:14PM

I'm trying to reach a higher level of conciousness. beyond circumstance. beyond reality. and i see it. i can't quite grasp it. but i see it. clearly and waiting. He could be the one. something for once might work out. something is working out. Things are gonna get easier. and no matter how the world spins around me. i live in my own reality. and its a beautiful place. if i want it to be......

Current mood: happy

Current music: things are gonna get easier-some oldies group

8:38AM

hopefully i'll never have to pay for all the things my body did while my soul was away.hopefully.

recently there has been love in the air
amisdt bundles of despair.
i've been searching for something that i must wait for.
why do angels have to suffer?
painful and sorrow hours of loniliness and agony.
I can't save the world.
though i try and then my resources run out and i turn rabid, cruel, and spiteful.
what is the point to all of this?
oh religion, religion
there was always deception
but at least there was answers
and now i cross paths of those who just accept
accept the pain and try to have as much fun as possible
while maintaining some level of morality.
levels of morality
what used to be one of my greatest assests
has now under gone self deprication.
will i make it?
am i capable of not hurting those who love me the most?
is the away out of my power trip...........
will i submit to my true self?
or will i forever live between two people, two towns,
and essentially two realities.

Current mood: confused

Current music: natural women

11:51AM - a time of growth and purification

What a fucking month!!!! so much tradgedy. all i can think is that its going to bring about good. Its hard to see the good admist the hurricanes that have blown through the south and our own person hurricanes that have blown through our lives. but things will get better. shit like this either makes us or breaks us and i just don't see people being defeated this easy. maybe i'm just overly optimistic but i look around and even admist tradgedy and hardships all i can see is beauty.

"death makes angels out of all of us and gives us wings where we had shoulders sharp as ravens claws."

i love all of you....

peace, love, and guns.

Current mood: okay

Current music: grateful dead

5:10PM - updating

hey yall.

well another month is over. another month closer to having things set and situated. I met with Faiths court appointed gaurdian at lighten (i'm not sure how to spell it). basically Faiths voice in court on September 30th. Shes really nice and really understand of why i don't want to send Faith to Oregon. Which is definetly good. Hopefully, for Faiths sake, she will be able to convince Jesse to move back to the area. I told her if she could do that it would be a miracle. On my part, i'd rather never see Jesse again. But we share a child so for her sake, I really wish he'd move back to CT/MA/RI. He never calls to see how she is doing. Since the court date his parents haven't called. Its really fricken bullshit. I mean just b/c his family has a problem with me they should still want to see their grand daughter and i made it VERY VERY clear that despite all that is going on that they could still take her occassionally on the weekends.

Anyways enough about Jesse and all that fucking bullshit......
Things have been going all right. I'm still at dunkin donuts. But i will be probaly moving up to my moms in plainfield soon b/c i want to get a real job and get my own apartment and that is basically impossible living in southeastern CT. Plus i'll be closer to my real close friends. Who i kind of avoided like the plague when i first moved back b/c i was embarrassed at the shit my life had fallen to but now, despite my level of poverty i am actually pretty happy with where i am at. i'lll be happier when i get my own apartment though b/c living with parents fucking sucks ass.

Anyways thats basically it..........
Keep in touch yall and thanks for all your love and support...

Current mood: happy

Current music: she belongs to me-dylan

3:37PM

shes got everything she needs. shes an artist and she don't look back

11:46AM - absolute insanity

Jesse and i had our custody hearing this past monday and tuesday. i was really awful. i took one look at him and i didn't feel anything. no love. nothing. right now we have joint custody. i am the primary residence and he has visitations at his parents house as long as i get 72 hours notice. thankfullly he went back to oregon. he is such an evil son of a bitch. it was like i looked at this stranger and thought, "who the fuck is this person? i married him? he's the father of my child? where the fuck have i been for the past 3 years?"

aside from that things have been great. I'm in this film this week. I get to read some of my poetry in it. Its going to be really exciting. I've been playing at the Rain Desert again. which is totally awesome. reconecting with lots of people from the past and making lots of awesome new friends. I still work at Dunkin Donuts in Gales Ferry. It kinda sucks but i get by...enough.

I smoke ciggarettes now. I dropped the whole "christian" thing and won't even set foot into a fucking church. Now i am leaning more towards my pagan roots. Basically just having my own religion. Because how can their be ONE way when we all live in these seperate realities? So i am just me. living my life raising my daughter. And i have a sense of freedom i've never had before. But i am still stressed as hell b/c of Jesse, his pyscho family and this custody hearing.

another positive thing---my mom and i are like best friends again. which is really cool b/c i can tell her things now and she doesn't freak out. she still gets obbsessive about some dumb bullshit but other then that its okay.

Don't let religion suck you in yall.... it destroys. don't let them make you a part of their machine. God created us to be ourselves not to be controlled by brainwashing nuts who can't deal with the real world so they constantly have to live in this false spiritual realm.

thats my soap box.

Faith is doing good. shes almost 10 months. she can stand up now and talks jibberish and crawls around and stuff. shes perfectly healthy and minus all the confusion of seeing Jesse and him trying to run with her out of the courthouse (long fucking bullshit story) shes all right. Man i love my daughter and i just want to keep her safe.

anyways. thats all for now. i gotta go to the store and get smokes.
i love yall.
keep in touch
389-3615

Current mood: okay

Current music: faiths mom-my song

5:32PM

working. trying to get some sleep. not much other then that has been going on.

i filed for full custody of Faith the other day. Our court date is July 11th. I wonder if Jesse will have the balls to come back to CT and see his daughter. who knows?

well i'm going to get goin. i gotta get some sleep

Current mood: tired

Current music: peoples parties-joni

9:47AM

here is a recent picture of me and Faith. Taken at the Rain Desert in Danielson CT. Right where Jesse and I met.

Current mood: happy

Current music: osama bin laden is a prophet-me